i think you can, i think we are meant too..
its way too hard to be with one person forever and impossible not to be attracted to others? we are human..i think we are meant to be attracted to people… we adore them, we find different characteristics appealing and exciting and attractive in different people…..like, height? intelliegence (lol) , kindness? determined hard worker ?
so, can you be married and attracted to someone else.. yes I think so!
– the marriage itself,the state of it matters…….
finally had the courage today to obtain my ultrasound results… Cyst in Cervix .. hw the heck did i get that? now.. pray to have it removed and everything be healthy..
a little worried yes, given the doc wants a little further testing done during the procedure..
Munch today, is a grilled cheese sandwich, 3 stuffed olives and a small box of pringles…large cup of chai Tea and a cookie from Jane and Brad wedding reception. very sew cookie that has been sitting in the fridge since March 15th. enjoyed it yes, guilty = NO.
dinner = will be no sugar, will be the rice and curry i made yesterday. (potato, peas and paneer ( an indian cheese). tons of ginger and garlic and saluted onions.. very healthy , generous amount of organic turmeric and stingy on the salt.
time for change, yes.. definitely ready for change..
As soon as i turned 39… it was automatic, i wanted to make changed before 40 and at 40 and after.
The name change – ready to do this, drop the last name, thats nothing to do with me, and never really felt wonderful anyways… was a process and automatic, but never one i loved .. its going to go. Im going back to Princess, yes, Kaur means Princess. and though i don’t think of myself as a “pretty dainty flowy .. looking for a prince type of Princess, i am a Princess as far as the Sikh context goes. Because I am a Sikh woman.
The 10th Guru, Guru Gobind Singh requested all Sikh Females use the name Kaur as apart of their name and even as a last name.
Having a “universal” last name was a method to avoid caste discrimination among Sikhs, as in those days people knew a lot about you including your caste based on your last name.
I know now, (better late than never) that it was a British rule, British influence and norm for women to take on their husbands last name, and hence this became the norm in India. NOW though, I realize i do not want to follow that traditional British rule, I am going back to my Guru’s request and to Sikhism and timeless and going back to Kaur, and name that reflects equality, love , strength and my identity.
food blog -not that interesting, but served moi a purpose. I get to take notice what I’ve ingested today. ill try to be honest (with myself)
early: little bit of leftover egg and avocado and toast crust, yes crust only – left over from child’s breakfast. 1 tall glass of water.
9:40ish…: generous scoop of Raw Reserve, several organic strawberries, generous dollop of Agave and 2 capsules of pro-biotics. blended in vitamix and ingested = Feeling good and motivated.
watched the film tonight with my child. this was a first for us to go .. just the 2 of us.
my child is my identity.
she can make me vulnerable. i am vulnerable for her…
i also feel guilty that don’t have enough time and energy to parent her and give her all the attention she needs… for play.. for learning… for fun.. for the little but important things like making a puzzle…
Today, def feeling like a single parent and feeling somewhat guilty for lacking patience at the end of the day….
i need to get fit. and be really healthy = that’ll give me energy and more quality time.
want to talk about it. feel it. want to be in it. but still not sure if this is all confidential, is this blog in fact anonymous? is anything anonymous on the internet?
i like that i have an outlet, and i noticed even felt a tiny bit of excitement to blog this evening.. maybe bec i knew i would get to express all my thoughts (and let them out) in some fashion.. this is a very new thing for me and I’m really glad i did it.
might be a while b4 i can actually talk about it.. but if i could i would totally be a carey bradshaw (like sex in the city)
I’ve noticed the auto type spelling mistakes. uh oh.. apologies.
watched the whole film, if i really like a film, i can’t not watch it to the end… hence twas a good film. “And So It Goes”… Michael Douglas and Diane Keaton. Romantic – happy ending, all is well and my perfect dream world…
whenim 65 like D in the film, i hope to be this much in love … and loved as much .. be someones love…. I don’t mean to be cynical, but i won’t be holding my breath… i think if I’m healthy and my child is happy… i WILL be very grateful. hopefully I will have a companion to share with, sing and dance with and of course travel and enjoy life with…..
sex, its something can’t imagine i’ll be having at that age… maybe because I see and work so many seniors and can’t .. i don’t know.
anyways, health….. my biggest prayer, is to be healthy and raise my one child with good values…. I am trying to be a good example. and i can quite honestly say that when I volunteer and help with community projects, including being on the PAC at the school and basic fundraising for the summer carnival.. my child observes me, and for all those that said yes after my “pitch” to giving a donation to the silent auction..my child ticks besides their name.. she understands what this means and how the community contributions are part of the big picture towards raising money for swings! a simple thing that the City Gov’t should be forking out for. Im doing ok. and I’m thank full for that.
kellysdaily 